It is great and noble for an individual to speak of righteousness. It is to be praised when people communicate in word their commitment to do good, to protect the weak, to seek what is pure and right. It is heart warming when a person talks about his/hers undying love for someone. It is greatly admired when a husband writes letters of devotion to his wife. A wife is honorable when she vows to respect her husband. I can speak of many beautiful things, sing many hymns of praise, and claim to live in such a high moral standard.
BUT when spoken or written words are expressed in a manner that generate excitement and pleasure yet have no substance to support these claims or ditch you in a daydream, to me, they have no place for my regard. It is simply empty promises. No character that plays the serenades. All these lofty things are demolished when actions do not correspond with them.
No one knows themselves better than the self of the individual. It is this truth that always leaves a disgusting taste in my mouth: Rheggie though loves what is good and upright, also commits hideous things in thought, word, and in deed.
The greatest hypocrite of them all is the one who looks at his/her reflection and deceives themselves or denies that there is this evil inclination the lurks within his/her heart. Evilness is exhibited whether in pride apart from anyone, greed, perversion of thoughts, selfishness, a foul mouth, blatant immoral behaviors, etc..
I find myself today looking at my core values and realizing how often I step away from them. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am frustrated and disappointed when I behave in a way I know is wrong and fail to live up to the standards I hold others to too. Usually because of my selfishness; for at the moment of my indulgence big or small my rational leaves from me and when I have had my fill of indulgence. I realize how depressing and guilty I feel. And the biggest hypocrite is me.
I am not beating myself up; I just have to come clear with this. I believe in grace and mercy are the reset buttons to my life. My heart is inclined to love what is wrong. It is of no wonder to me that I am capable of such iniquities, but when it happens, the cleansing part of God's love is not the most fun part, but very humbling. The key is I cannot allow sin to define me in totality.
I just want more integrity.
